someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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