I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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