people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
