apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
