Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
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