it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
