I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
