Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
