Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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