I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
