i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
