just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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