woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?