I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?