If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
