I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
