Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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