Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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