and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
