I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
