I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
