Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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