Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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