New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
false alarm, still single
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
