so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
