He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
