At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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