Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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