I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
