Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dude. I can hear the air.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
