best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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