yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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