Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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