The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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