: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
