I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
