Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
