hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
