you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
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i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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