There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
