Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
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My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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