I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
