Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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