You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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