If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
