She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
