I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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