Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
