Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
