i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
