So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.