Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.