i jhust puked up my retainher.
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.