You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.