At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Michael Bay diarrhea
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.