Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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