just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
