Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
