Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
