is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Apparently you make a good broom.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
