Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize