I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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