If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
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please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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