i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
