You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
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Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm having to shit out rocks
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