Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
