Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
