My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Your cock deserves a montage
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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