they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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