I want to walk on stilts...naked
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
