david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
